Phase 2 Nostalgia

Edit:  This is really long. Sorry.

You know, it’s funny how life works.  My 27th year has brought me more than just a few gray hairs in my beard (and one on my head!), it has also brought me a higher level of objectivity on life.   I’ve heard this happens.  Like most people I’ve always assumed myself pretty clever, only to be proven wrong by experience and change.   It’s a bit of a paradox, the whole “do I really get it” thing.  On my death bed, I will think “now I really get it” - but, of course, if I lived another 10 minutes I would be proven wrong again.

I digress.

I found a picture tonight of myself and some of “the boys”.  Now these are “theeee boys”, mind you, those ones still live in Iowa and Denver.   These are the “Phase 2 Boys”, the ones that I thought I would never have.

My last really strong memory of “the way things were” back home is unfortunately not a very positive one.  We had some amazing moments between the time we graduated from Solon, and me moving to California.  (There was of course the brief period of 5 months or so after graduating from Orlando and moving back to Iowa, that was great fun too.)   But those aren’t the things I think of when I think about “how it was.”    I still think about Emmetsburg, I think about the championship that never was, I think about letting down our town, the fans,  Coach Hansen, and each other.    I think about being lonely out in Lane 8, getting housed in the state finals.  Of course I know I never “let down” my family, so I don’t really think about that, though I’m sure they were every bit as disappointed as we were.

I’m sure a lot of the guys feel like that, and that’s OK.   It’s not something I “hold on to”, it’s just what comes to mind.    But the biggest thing I think about when considering my “youth” is the friendships, the bonds.   It is/was such a tight brotherhood between all of us, it was something I was forever certain could never be matched or simulated.   As time goes by, (and again, I know many people go through this) you grow apart from some of those people.  I’ve been lucky enough to be gifted some of the most amazing people in the world as friends (looking at you Marshek, and others) and those relationships have morphed and molded over the years apart, but never faded.   Others, however, as happens with time, have naturally begun to dissipate and dissolve, which is a very sad thing.   There are many explanations for this which I won’t go into now (those are “beer conversations”), but the thing to remember is that it’s OK.   It doesn’t mean you don’t like each other now, and it doesn’t lessen the relationships that you had before - it’s just the natural cycle.

Now.   In the blink of an eye, I’ve been gone from Iowa for 9 years, and have lived in Los Angeles for over 7 years.   Yeah,  you read that right, almost a decade.    I’ve almost been gone from Iowa longer then I was in the Solon school system.   LOTS has happened in that time.   I have a successful, lucrative career that (although nobody ever said it) I know lots of people probably thought was a fool’s errand.  I have traveled to 14 countries on 4 continents.  I have won (with my team) two National Championships, the first of which had a huge impact on me psychologically, which is something for another post.   I have met and fallen madly, madly in love with the most beautiful, intelligent, courageous, caring, athletic woman - and I have (much like a warlock) duped her into falling in love with me.   Physically I have gotten to a place I never though I could get (@220 I’m not as fast as I was at 185, but boy do I hit harder).

And I’ve made friends.   Good friends.   Lifelong, step in front of a bullet, tell them I love them, friends.  Who would have thought?

For the longest time after I left Iowa, I was convinced that couldn’t be done.   I thought my group of ~15 brothers was the first and last time that could ever happen.  People always said “oh you meet your REAL friends in college”.   College came and went with some GREAT friends, but unfortunately never really that “brotherhood” that I had in Iowa.  (I would like to point out, Nate and Blake are not included in that equation, they are part of “Phase 2″, which I am getting to)

When I first came to the Santa Monica Rugby Club, I knew everyone was cool.   Right away I met some incredible, friendly, down to earth people.   We became friends.  We bled together.  We partied together.   They introduced me to the woman of my dreams.   Many of them continue to amaze me every day with how caring they are, and I find myself attempting to model my actions towards friends and family to be more like them.

I found this picture tonight when I was digging through a box looking for computer parts.  It’s from Halloween (duh) about five years ago.   Two of these guys (The cow, and Elton John) I don’t see much anymore (moved, retired - respectively).   The Rabbi I’m lucky enough to still see often.   When I saw this photo, I got a feeling of nostalgia that I have never really felt with anything except for pictures and memories from Iowa, and the way things once were back there.

It turns out, while I wasn’t looking — while I was building my career, and lifting weights, and going on weekenders with Carol, and running sprints, and eating Cobb Salads at O’briens, and living life, I’ve managed to make some of the dearest, most wonderful friends that I never thought I would have the pleasure of finding more of.  I’ve got Phase 2 Nostalgia for my Phase 2 Brotherhood.

Phase 1:  I love you guys.

Phase 2:  I love you guys.

That’s all.   If you really read this whole thing, I will give you a gold star next time I see you.

c

(Kevin Bennett, Me, Paul Chung, Charlie Courtenay)

Edit: p.s. - I would also like to point out how large Charlie is.  I’m 6′2″. Look at him - slouched for the photo and still towering over me like I’m a wee babe.  Imagine him coming at you full speed on the field… yeah.